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How to Find Mindfulness in this Moment

Happy Thursday ?

Today is a new day.

​Be receptive and present this moment.

Remember where you are, right here, right now.

Disentangle from the habits of thinking, wondering, or worrying.

Return to the gift of the present.

We often get caught up in yesterday or tomorrow, trying to fix things. But often, this isn’t actually helpful. It enhances anxiety.

We get lost in an unknown future, swept away by stories. Soon, we’re spiraling into projections that heighten our unfounded fears. Like a little vessel on a stormy sea, we move through the upheaval in turmoil. We either want to hide away, get lost in our interior spaces or become consumed with the problems of the world.

If we can settle our minds, we can find wisdom and the courage to act where action must be taken. We can change how we relate to uncertainty, recognizing that it’s often our own stories and projections that keep our hearts heavy.

Don’t rehash tragedies. Don’t borrow trouble.

Stop drifting into concerns about the past or future. Gently bring your wandering mind back to the present… this moment.

Slow down. Breath. Engage your senses fully. Savor every sensation, sight, touch, and sound. Listen to your heartbeat.

Here in this moment, you can stay open and informed while creating a more spacious perspective.

Allow your emotions to arise and flow through you with kind, compassionate attention. With mindful attention to the moment, you can move calmly through the clamor, chaos, and uncertainties of life.

Focus on this moment. Make it the best ever.

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Spring Forward

Spring brings new beginnings and fresh starts.⁠

With this fresh burst of energy, motivation, and raw willpower, comes the risk of burnout. If you don’t pace yourself, you can quickly go from blazing to fizzling. ⁠

Remember, small steps move you forward too. ⁠

What’s Calling You Forth?

So this season, feel what is calling your attention.

Are you ready for a transition?
Is it time to start writing your book?
Have you always wanted to research your family tree?
Do you long to learn a language? Or run a marathon?
Is there a personal project you want to begin?

Now is the time to tackle something that needs your attention.

Spring Forward with Self-Care

Decide what steps you are ready to take to manifest your visions.

While you’re at it, take on the inner doubts that prevent you from shifting your life in a new direction. Overcommitment, smartphone addiction, emotional eating, insomnia – these can be signs that you are unhealthy, distracted, stressed, and half-living. Unless you prioritize healing, rest, and recovery, you will never truly feel alive.

As you create your future, commit to daily practices that restore you, give perspective, and allow you to tend to your fire rather than burn it out.

Music. Laughter. Rest. Fun time with friends. Bath time journaling. Stargazing. Dancing. A walk on the beach… or a swim. Sunshine. Silence. Solitude. Meditation.

These are a few of my favorite things.

Spring Forward with Spring Cleaning

Let go of expectations and embrace the unexpected.
Spring clean old stories to make space for new adventures.
Say goodbye to ideas that don’t align with who you are becoming. ⁠
Release anything that’s hindering you from finding your soul’s alignment.

We tend to cling to the familiar because it is known. Yet, sometimes we need to let go even if we don’t know what comes next. We need to be ok with not knowing and trust that magic will find us when we need it most. ⁠

Let some energies unravel in your life.

Notice what you are holding on to too tightly and ask yourself why.

You can only spring forward after you release the crap you carry. It’s holding you back and wearing you down.

Let it go. Live. It’s spring!

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Finding Happiness

How do you go about finding happiness?

You strive to do well in school. To get the right job. To build the right life.

Tomorrow you’ll be happy after you get the promotion.

Next week you’ll be happy after you get the Instagram-worthy boyfriend.

Next year you will be happy when you have your picture-perfect wedding.

A decade from now you’ll be happy, once you have kids.

You’re a smart girl. Self-aware. So of course you’ve noticed that happiness is always around the corner of the next achievement, the next milestone toward your perfect life. One more and one more and one more and (don’t panic!) one more.

Keep it together girl, you’re almost there!

But one day soon?

Don’t waste years of your life with thoughts of finding happiness on the horizon.

Live in this moment, even as you work on progress. Instead of living with one foot in the future (and perhaps another in the past), take ownership of your experience now.

And remember, it’s often not what’s happening that determines our attitude.

Our thoughts are the key to unleashing our fulfillment, even in difficult times.

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What’s Your Secret Sauce?

Alive. That was my word for 2021… and in it, I’m finding my secret sauce.

What’s yours?

I’m committed to being in constant conversation with life. Always questioning, always learning – half curious kid, half audacious explorer, half undaunted life alchemist.

150% ALIVE.

So as we start the new year, I’m asking myself what I learned last year. I’ve tried to crystalize my thoughts into 5️⃣ lessons:

1. Let go

We often give so much power to the hurt of the past that it ends up ruling our present.

The act of letting go is rooted in a profound acceptance of what is. It’s about letting your heart crumble and letting yourself be rearranged by the journey of being alive.

The greatest act of self-love is to let go.

2. Love

Let your actions be motivated by love.

When love is pure, we’re not driven by agendas or conditions. Love is not loaded with “ifs and buts.” It’s just love.

There’s devotion, effort, and commitment to the people we journey with, not manipulative power struggles or coercive control. Love grants the people you love the freedom to be, to see and be seen, to feel understood and safe.

Love is the nerve to express what needs to be heard and listen with the ear of the heart.

Love assumes good intention, sees beyond what’s visible, and hears more than what’s being said.

Love fills our hearts with hope and gratitude and gives us a chance at rebirth. ✨

3. Stop performing

We hold back so much of ourselves when we script, edit, cut, redraft and perform.

There’s magic in that messy authentic part of us that we often start to accept only as we get much older. I’m all for learning, growing, and getting better. In the past, that meant adapting and assimilating into what or who was around me.  Last year I committed to holding nothing back – none of my feelings, none of my attention, none of my questions. It’s been vulnerable, sure. But it’s the only way to return to the miracle of being here completely.

No performances. That’s the promise I’ve made to myself. Perhaps then people around me will mirror what’s in my heart – and there we’ll find magic in what’s real – our pure, beautiful messy souls.

4. Build great relationships

Relationships take heart.

They don’t come readily assembled and perfect out the box.

The hardest moments reveal opportunities to better understand each other and deepen a meaningful connection.

In 2021 I was forced to let go of perfection.

Instead, I’m learning to build on good communication and a profound commitment to caring.

A friend once said she wanted to find a life partner because living alone can make you an awkward person. I laughed, at first… then I thought about it.

Romantic love is an invitation to heal. That can make it really messy but it creates an opportunity for two people to grow in self-awareness, develop emotional maturity and become so much more – individually and together.

Love is the courage to admit that we are wrong and own where we mess up. It’s the courage to hold space for others to be – to wait and watch with all of who we are, allowing our loved ones to be all who they are.

Great relationships take courage to care even when we’re bent… not broken.

Don’t build relationships with broken people. Walk away.

5. Live

Life happens in the ordinary.

We often find ourselves looking for the extraordinary to make us come alive. But the blessings of the ordinary are that in moments of stillness everything that is life is revealed… the power of presence.

In the gift of the here and now we can see through the troubles, wade through the turbulence and reconnect.

Gratitude gives us grace – when we go below the surface of ordinary things, we can see the miracle of the moment. We get to celebrate the things (and people!) we once only wished we had. We return to the heart of all things – the warmth of a delightful cup of tea on a cold morning, a cold cocktail in the evening, a moment to slow dance and celebrate the one you love, the smile of a stranger, the laughter of friends who sustain you along the way, the hug or tag of your child, the crunchy leaves beneath your feet or the sunshine kissing your face.

2021 was a year of immense growth for me, with profound breakthrough insights on life and love.

In a world that often teaches us the only way to be lovable is to be extraordinary, a return to experiencing the marvels of the ordinary was a gift – an invitation to stay open to the magic of falling in love with life at first sight.

Happy new year, you beautiful soul ❤️ What’s your secret sauce?

Share it with me and let me know what makes you come alive!

 

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Holding Hope

The current state of world events is heart-wrenching, from the Taliban takeover in Afghanistan, the devastation following the massive earthquake in Haiti, and the relentless global spread of the COVID-19 delta variant to the political polarity and incessant misinformation in its wake.

As a woman, watching what’s happening in Afghanistan is particularly difficult. It’s watching the possibility of half the population getting wiped out and thinking “there goes girl power, dreams, and profound ingenuity.”

The layers of pain leave me speechless. It’s so hard to feel this helpless… unable to make a meaningful impact.

My heart goes out to everyone who is directly affected. People are not meant to live in such a state of suffering.

I feel heartbroken, afraid, and sad, but I know I am not powerless. We are often more resourceful than we give ourselves credit for.  I know we can do something. .. together.

I’m putting together a list of organizations doing critical work and will see what I can do to support them.

I’ll start by believing and taking action in the commitment to our collective well-being.

There’ll be a miracle in this mess.

xoxo

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#Thisis40

Today I get to celebrate four decades of being alive on this amazing planet!

I am so grateful for all the people who have been a part of my journey (you know who you are!) and everything that helps me live with a greater understanding and respect for life.

For my birthday, I want to share with you 40 lessons I have learned in 40 years of life.

It’s a list worth growing into… still working on that ?

  1. Celebrate your authentic self. Stop trying so hard to gain the validation of others. Be you in a world that’s trying to influence every move you make.
  2. Embrace change. Challenges are uncomfortable but they keep us growing.
  3. Learn to adjust the sails of your life to unpredictable winds, while keeping your focus clear on your destination, and keep sailing until you get there.
  4. Seek to understand.
  5. Look. There are always angels around you.
  6. Love with unrelenting demands and conditions is codependency.
  7. True acceptance is the greatest gift you can ever grant a loved one.
  8. Don’t be afraid to feel the wind under your wings.
  9. Just do it.
  10. Forgive yourself.
  11. Listen even when it’s hard.
  12. You don’t want “perfect” people in your life.
  13. It’s when the tough gets going that the champs are separated from the chumps.
  14. Transform your suffering into growth. The most massive characters are seared with scars. Behind every beautiful life, there’s been some kind of pain. Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls.
  15. Keep stepping forward even when it hurts because your inner strength will carry you through.
  16. Do small things with huge amounts of love.
  17. Fall in love with the life you have.
  18. Not everyone you trust will be trustworthy.
  19. What doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger… and better if you don’t let it make you bitter.
  20. Simplify with sophistication.
  21. Rise early.
  22. Follow your passion… but make sure it matches the marketplace.
  23. Do everything you can to make your dreams come true and believe in a higher power.
  24. In life, you get what you tolerate. In business, you get what you ask for. And the value you deliver.
  25. The world owes you nothing. And everything.
  26. You’ll be surprised how little people think of you. Don’t take yourself so seriously.
  27. Sometimes the person you want the most is the person you’re better off without.
  28. Dare to believe in a better world. And do what you can to make it so.
  29. You are powerful beyond measure.
  30. Look deep into nature. You will see everything better.
  31. Embrace silence. Stillness is something to treasure.
  32. Life is not about finding yourself. It’s about creating yourself.
  33. Enjoy the journey.
  34. It’s ok to fall apart for a little while.
  35. Keep going. A bend in the road is not the end of the road unless you fail to make the turn.
  36. Gaze with wonder at the stars. There’s power in understanding how small you really are.
  37. Stop living through the lens of friends’ social media highlight reels. The human part of you needs love, compassion, and understanding. ❤ Not shaming, comparing, or rejecting.
  38. Dance. Play. Don’t stop doing what makes your heart sing.
  39. Tomorrow is another day. Until it isn’t.
  40. Keep loving. Keep living with gratitude.

My heart is full!

Thankful for all who’ve allowed me to show up with more lightness, authenticity, and freedom. I am looking forward to this new chapter of my life where I get to use all that I’ve acquired these past 40 years.

I’m surrounding myself with people who push me to be a more courageous explorer; a more inspired mother; a more present friend; a more supportive partner…

to KEEP LIVING and KEEP LOVING.

?????? Now it’s your turn. What is the lesson you’ve learned you want to share?

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Be Bold.

Dare to believe.

Dare to believe in something hopeful. Dare to believe in something worth feeling so intensely, something that fuels your purpose, your passion. Dare to believe in something that lights up your world and illuminates your path with its powerful flame.

Dare to believe in the priceless value of your life experiences. Appreciate every single one of them. Dare to kiss your battle scars, your scratches, and your stretch marks.

Dare to care. Dare to be kind to yourself even when others are not. Dare to share your heart even when it’s been through hurt. Dare to shout your love from the rooftops. Dare to take up space even when you’re not sure that you belong.

Dare to breathe. Dare to do. Dare to be.

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12 Signs Your Crazy Love is Domestic Abuse

Going Home

When Your Haven Turns into a Hornet’s Nest

Few things evoke a more reassuring sense of safety, stability, warmth, and comfort than going home. At home, we are afforded an escape from the hustle of the day. It’s a place where we can unwind, be ourselves, and find solace.

But what happens when home becomes a battleground, tainted by abuse and fear? Suddenly, the very bastion of unconditional love and support becomes a cesspool. Intimate partner abuse often starts with subtle put-downs, gaslighting, humiliation, and attempts to control by making you question yourself, before escalating to outright sexual assault or physical battery.

The Destructive Cycle

How Abuse Happens

An abusive person’s strategy is to dismiss, deflect, deny, minimize, and demean you.

This insidious behavior is so destructive because it can make you feel like you’re losing your grip on reality. Domestic abuse makes you doubt yourself and crushes your self-confidence. To make matters worse, abusers often enlist others and engage in a smear campaign.

A smear campaign is exactly what it sounds like – abusers try to destroy your name with your friends, family, or figures of authority. Initially, they do it to appear like the victim rather than the vicious monster they are. The goal of the smear campaign is to depict you as insane or unstable, labeling you with derogatory terms like addict, gold digger, thief, cheater, or poor parent.

Through a sequence of falsehoods, exaggerations, half-truths, suspicions, and false charges, abusers work tirelessly to destroy your sanity and credibility. Their aim is to ensure their own “truth” becomes the dominant narrative, reinforcing their desire to be right and maintain their status or standing.

The devastating effect of smear campaigns is the ability to harm victims by isolating them from their support system. In the face of such an onslaught, victims often feel alone, scared, and unsure about what to do. Unfortunately, the smear campaign is often unwittingly facilitated by others who incorrectly label the victim as impetuous.

In cultures that perpetuate collective trauma and allow misogyny and violence against women to flourish, oppression is often sanctioned by silence. Family or friends may urge you to stay in an abusive environment, excusing bad behavior with statements like “that’s what men do” or “it’s not that bad.” This leads to the full-fledged estrangement of victims, particularly if they attempt to speak out against their abuser, flee, or protect themselves.

Understanding the Drivers of Abuse

Abuse is fundamentally about power and control.

Abusers employ putrid yet (mostly!) predictable patterns  to coerce their victims.  Therefore, in under to identify an abuser, it’s important to listen to their attitudes and values, which define how they think. Don’t be fooled by any pretense that their behavior was caused by anger or alcohol.

Here are some questions to consider:

  • Does your partner have a sense of entitlement, demanding or implying that you give them everything or more than you’ve offered? Does your partner make unreasonable demands?
  • Does your partner have double standards, applying one set of rules for themselves and another for you?
  • Does your partner condone misogyny, subtly or overtly praising male superiority in the household or justifying the need for control?

Narcissistic abusers often gravitate towards empaths, who often strive to understand the experiences and feelings of others outside of their own. Empaths often give selflessly, sometimes to the point of exhaustion. Abusers exploit this dynamic, acting entitled, exploitative  and lack empathy for their victims.

Signs of Abuse

How to Recognize an Abusive Relationship

Identifying abuse in a relationship can be challenging, especially when it starts with subtle signs.

Here are 12 red flags that may indicate an abusive relationship:

  1. Your partner undermines or belittles your goals, values, or thoughts.
  2. Your partner always needs to be right, leaving you feeling like you don’t have a voice or opinion.
  3. Your partner controls your finances, constantly criticizes your money decisions, or withholds resources needed for necessary expenses.
  4. You feel like you’re constantly walking on eggshells, under scrutiny, and not free to make your own choices without feeling attacked.
  5. Your partner isolates you from your community, making you move away from the things or people you love.
  6. Your partner doesn’t take responsibility for their actions or show any effort to fix the problems.
  7. Your partner turns the blame back on you, dismissing your concerns by saying you’re too sensitive.
  8. Your partner recruits others to hold negative opinions of you, making statements like “even your friends think you’re too x.”
  9. Your partner mentions violence in past relationships or family history without having sought therapy or personal development.
  10. Your partner is self-centered, always focusing on their own needs and wounds, leaving you feeling unimportant.
  11. You constantly blame yourself for situations that arise, and your existence feels contingent on your partner’s approval.
  12. You feel anxious, nervous, or constantly second-guess yourself, particularly when you’re around your partner.

 

How to Identify an Abuser Early

To protect yourself from potential abuse, it’s crucial to recognize the signs early on.

Here are three signs to look out for on a first date:

#1. Monologue instead of conversation: Narcissists tend to talk incessantly about their own experiences, showing little interest or curiosity about you.

#2. Overwhelming attention: A narcissist will shower you with attention if they believe you can fulfill their needs, but their focus is primarily self-centered.

#3. Demands all your attention:  Narcissists love being the center of attention and will do whatever it takes to ensure you are not distracted by anyone or anything else. They may start by playfully or sarcastically teasing you about your interests or actions.

In addition to these signs, be aware of self-centered behavior, anger issues, a strong emphasis on status, lack of emotional empathy, hypersensitivity to perceived slights, and subtle words that devalue you.

 

Finding Real Love

3 Signs of a Healthy Relationship

In stark contrast to an abusive relationship, a healthy relationship is characterized by mutual respect, kindness, and supportive behaviors. You deserve real love.

Here are three signs that indicate you’re in a healthy relationship:

1. Your partner consistently shows respect, kindness, and support toward you.

2. Your partner takes responsibility for their actions, without making excuses or engaging in blaming or shaming.

3. When you address issues in the relationship, your partner acknowledges the impact of their actions, apologizes, and actively tries to make amends.

Every relationship has its ups and downs, but you should never put up with someone who puts you down.

 

Hidden Horrors

The Terrifying Truth About Abusers

The stories of Gabby Petito and Brian Laundrie serve as stark reminders of the dangers posed by abusers.

Domestic violence statistics reveal that abusive relationships can lead to death, even when the abuser appears to have moved on. It’s crucial to know the signs and take steps to protect yourself from the escalating tide of abuse, which can cause ongoing drama, trauma, and irreversible destruction.

You’re Not Alone

If you’re experiencing domestic violence, please know that you are not alone.

If you are experiencing domestic violence, you are not alone. Here are compelling clips from Reese Witherspoon and Amy Schumer on their personal accounts of experience with domestic abuse.

 

Leaving an abusive relationship may be the best and hardest thing you ever do. Staying in such a relationship taints every aspect of your life. Reclaiming your life in the aftermath of abuse is not only a breakthrough but can also lead to some of your best days yet.

Remember, you’ve got this! You deserve a life filled with love, respect, and happiness. ❤️

Wandia's World

Thoughts

How to Be Happy

Here’s a brilliant message about being happy. It’s a loose English translation of  “Palco de vida” attributed to the Portuguese poet Fernando Pessoa (1888-1935) not Pope Francis as some online posts claim.  I hope it inspires you and helps you find the renewal of HOPE, HEALTH, and LOVE. Happy Easter ??????

You can have flaws, be anxious, and even be angry, but do not forget that your life is the greatest enterprise in the world. Only you can stop it from going bust. Many appreciate you, admire you, and love you.

Remember that to be happy is not to have a sky without storms, roads without peril, work without fatigue, relationships without disappointments.

Being happy is finding strength in forgiveness, hope in battles, security in fear, love in disagreements.

It is not only appreciating the smile but reflecting on the sadness.
It is not only celebrating successes but learning lessons from failures.
It is not only having joy in applause but finding it in anonymity.

Being happy is recognizing that life is worth living, despite all the challenges, misunderstandings, and periods of crisis. It is not a fatality of destiny, but an achievement for those who can travel within themselves.

To be happy is to stop feeling like a victim and become your destiny’s author.
It is to cross deserts, yet be able to find an oasis in the depths of our soul.
It is to thank God for every morning, for the miracle of life.

To be happy is to be unafraid of your own feelings.
It is to be able to talk about you.
It is having the courage to hear “no”.
It is confidence in the face of criticism, even sometimes when unjustified.
It is to kiss your children, pamper your parents, to live poetic moments with friends.

To be happy is to let live the creature that lives in each of us, free, joyful, and simple.
It is to have the maturity to be able to say: “I made mistakes”.
It is to have the courage to say “I am sorry”.
It is to have the sensitivity to say, “I need you”.
It is to have the ability to say “I love you”.

It is to have the humility of receptivity.

May your life become a garden of opportunities for happiness …
That in spring may it be a lover of joy. In winter a lover of wisdom.

And when you make a mistake, start all over again.
For only then will you be in love with life.

You will find that to be happy is not to have a perfect life.

Use the tears to irrigate tolerance.
Use your losses to train patience.
Use your mistakes to sculptor serenity.
Use pain to plaster pleasure.
Use obstacles to open windows of intelligence.

Never give up hope …

Never give up on the people you love.

Never give up on happiness, because life is spectacular, even if it gives you dozens of reasons to demonstrate the contrary.

For life is an incredible show.

 

 

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It’s time for rebirth!

Birth is absolutely beautiful.

It’s often a magical moment that comes right after tremendous pain. It’s a moving powerful mix of possibility, agony, and tenderness.

So is rebirth.

Now is a moment to reflect and review what we truly want for ourselves, our community, and our planet. What new insights has this unsettling time brought you? What are your priorities? What principles and beliefs are guiding you?

Feeling overwhelmed with family, conflicts, financial responsibilities, uncertainty, or fear that your security is crumbling? Embrace the disarray because another kind of birth is taking place.

Remember: Growth can be extremely messy. It’s never going to be linear because life is not perfect. Trust your journey. Be gentle with yourself. Everything about you is priceless. Be proud of everything you’ve gone through and what you’re doing to become who you’re meant to be.

Let love reign.

Each of us needs to be aware of what kind of energy we are sending out into the world. We can birth something beautiful.

If you needed this little reminder today, let’s connect on IG. Leave a ? in the comments.

Keep going. Keep growing ?

 

 

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