Being “jilted” can concurrently increase desire to obtain an outcome, but reduce its actual attractiveness. Thus, people can come to both want something more and like it less.
By “jilted” we mean — being thwarted from obtaining a desired outcome. Think about for example the folk-wisdom of “playing hard-to-get” in romantic pursuit situations. Or frustrating denial and failure scenarios in everyday life – like waiting hours to buy concert tickets, or to enter a popular nightclub or store on Black Friday, only to find out tickets are sold out when you get to the front of the line.
How do such experiences shape our desire for, and appraisal of, the jilted outcome? Research shows failure to achieve desired targets can simultaneously increase motivation to pursue those targets and yet decrease their actual appeal. Thus, perversely, we may come to loathe what we lust after, and want more what we like less.
In essence, failure may emotionally “taint” an outcome.
For instance, when two tasks are framed as supportive of achieving the same goal, failure on the first can increase efforts to succeed on the second (Kruglanski et al., 2002). In contrast, negative emotional reactions to disappointing outcomes themselves can lead individuals to switch away from decisions and options associated with those outcomes (Ratner & Herbst, 2005). Desire pursuit and outcome evaluation will have converse effects to failure experiences.
In an experiment, participants who failed to win a prize were willing to pay more for it than those who won it but were also more likely to trade it away when they ultimately obtained it.
Thus being jilted can result in a parallel counter-driving of wanting and liking, whereby desire and pursuit persistence are enhanced, but actual outcome appreciation is attenuated.
Fascinating, huh?
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